Social Media and Your Mood: 3 Ways to Fix the (Big, Bad) Correlation

Ah, social media. A peek into the lives and souls of others. From the exciting (vacations! job promotions!) to the mundane (lunch! workouts!) and everything in between, social media allows us to stalk, er, follow people ... and learn alllllll about them.

This comes with a price, however. Because how many times have you followed a celebrity or super-successful person or former classmate who seems to have everything? (And I do mean everything.) At first, it's fun and voyeuristic and maybe even inspiring. But then ... but then their constant awesomeness starts to wear on you, and suddenly even the freaking photo they posted of their salad has you wondering how your life went so astray. I mean, why isn't your salad that glorious? Why is yours a wilty mess you threw together at midnight last night? WHERE DID YOU GO SO WRONG?

Right?

The sad thing is, I'm not even being dramatic here. Because even the most seemingly innocent social media photo can trigger an internal avalanche of self-doubt, sadness, comparison, or dissatisfaction. Suddenly, you're forced to admit that your job is crap compared to this person's or that your marriage is a bore compared to that person's, or, hell, that you can't even bake a decent batch of cookies like that person. You're left feeling like you're not good enough, you're not reaching your full potential, you're giving so much but you're not being rewarded accordingly ... and on and on. Tell me this hasn't happened to you. Really, you might be completely thrilled for the person whose ass is plopped squarely on a Hawaiian beach, but that doesn't mean that won't rile up thoughts of inadequacy deep within your soul. (Unless you are the most self-assured human on the planet, in which case I BOW TO YOU.)

So, what to do about this? Well, here's what I've started doing. Mind you, I'm just getting underway with this Social Media Behavior Modification Plan of mine, so I'll keep you posted on the results as time presses on.

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  1. Limit your time on The Socials -- Could this solution be any more obvious? But it's a whole helluva lot harder than it sounds, isn't it? Well, it is and it isn't. Here's what I mean:
    In our daily lives, we're pretty reliant on our devices. And by "pretty reliant" I mean "I would die without it". But we won't die if we don't check Facebook eight billion times per day. Proof: Yesterday was Mother's Day. As of almost two years ago, I no longer have a mother, and, not surprisingly, I miss her pretty hard on Mother's Day. Knowing that seeing everyone's Mom-and-Me pics posted all over every social channel in creation would turn me into a sobby, jealous, and - I'll admit it - bitter mess, I promised myself I'd stay off Facebook for the entire day. The. Entire. Day. And guess what? I DID. Well, I did log on at 7pm or something just to clear out the zillion notifications I had, but even those weren't important. The best part? I'm still here. I survived not being a slave to social. Woot! Sure, I may have missed some cute pics and some loving sentiments, but I made it through the day relatively unscathed and instead of obsessing over the mother I don't have, I turned my attention to my own kids and enjoyed the fact that they have made ME a mother. And that's something to celebrate!
     
  2. Set up parameters -- So going cold turkey for a full day might not be your thing. I get it. (For the record: I haven't scrolled at all today yet, either. Just logged in to check notifications and immediately logged back out.) But I still think that if you end up having feelings of anxiety or self-doubt after a spin through Facebook, you definitely should ease back a little, even if it's just certain times of the day.

    For example, maybe you don't scroll before bed? That way you're not thinking about how amazing everyone else's lives are before you hit the hay (and thus sabotaging your subconscious). Or, maybe you don't start your day with a scroll, which immediately thrusts you into comparison-mode. (I have absolutely begun doing this. I WILL NOT scroll first thing in the morning anymore. I check my phone for missed calls or texts and then turn it the hell off. No need to even go there so early in the day).

    Instead, maybe you start your day on a mindfulness website like MindBodyGreen. Or you flip through an inspirational memoir like Rachel Brathen's YOGA GIRL. Or maybe you enjoy a little silence or the sound of birdies chirping or even some uplifting music. Just take a break from the scrolling. It'll set the tone for your mind, I promise!
     
  3. Keep it all in perspective -- As my bestie said the other day, unless the person is a hardcore whiner or poor-me activist (which lots people are, I realize), the stuff you're seeing on social media is almost always their "holiday best". Or, the "highlight reel" as I've also seen it called. Mostly, people are showing you the best of their best. And sometimes they're even stretching the truth. Sure they may seem smarter or look prettier or appear to have angelic children, but the truth? That's probably not the case at all. So keep that in mind as you compare your double-chin pic from yesterday to the five-years-ago-but-she'll-never-admit-it picture your Facebook pal just posted. Truly, we never know what's going on in other people's lives, so remember that they may be riding the social comparison train just as far as you are.
Dear Fakers, Please reference the pic above.

Dear Fakers, Please reference the pic above.

While completely avoiding Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Pinterest, whatever might be an option for some people, for most of us staying connected socially depends upon these platforms. But they don't need to control your life and they most certainly don't need to control your mood. If you find that scrolling through these sites trigger feelings of inadequacy within you (and I'm willing to bet this is true for most everyone), take some care to manage the time you spend on these sites. Truly, your well-being is worth more than the opportunity to comment on someone's incredible salad. I promise you that.

Image credit (top)
 

Self-Care 101 | 4 Strategies for Taking Care of YOU First (Because It's Really That Important!)

Hellz, yes. You ARE worth it.

Hellz, yes. You ARE worth it.

Here's one thing most of us are pretty bad at: Self-care. (AKA taking care of ourselves). You know how it is. The kids need you. Your spouse needs you. The house needs tidying, the litter box needs cleaning, and oh yeah, your family wants to eat. (The nerve!) So you work your way through all of the things that demand your attention and the next thing you know it's time to collapse into bed and start it all over again the next day. All of your good intentions are out the window. No workout, no planning for the next day's healthy eating, no time for yoga or meditation or reading or whatever it is that centers you and calms your soul.

But hey, at least you took care of everyone and everything else.

Sound familiar?

That was (and sometimes still is) me as much as it is you. It's most women, really. Particularly, most moms. We're conditioned to put others ahead of ourselves thinking we're doing right by our families, but in the process our own selves are getting left in the dust. You already know this. You've heard it a thousand times in self-help books or in magazines or on talk shows or wherever. But at some point you need to LET IT HIT HOME. Let yourself see, fully, how ignoring your own needs can lead to problems later on.

I'll share more later, but in short, I have lost several family members over the past two years, one of them being my beloved bestie, my mother. She was only 62. Tiny, adorable, looked like the picture of health. But underneath it all, she was a shitstorm of unhealthiness. Heart disease, diabetes, COPD, the works. But you'd never know it by looking at her. Yes, she was a smoker for most of her adult life (please don't smoke, people!!), but some of her issues were genetic and you can bet I'm shaking in my boots hoping I don't succumb to some of those same things.

Anyhoo...

With the untimely passing of my mom came the realization that, dammit, life really IS short, and if I want to achieve the BIG THINGS I want to achieve in this life, I'd better make sure I'm healthy enough to stick around for a bunch more years. So, at the end of 2015, I made the pledge to work on my own health and well being ... even if it meant I had to loosen the Mom's-Gotta-Do-Everything-For-Everyone grip I had on, well, pretty much everything.

So, I started looking after myself more. And wouldn't you know, I've seen a big change already, and we're only about 8 weeks in. Here are some ways I've been focusing on self-care, as well as some strategies for fitting these action items into your chaotically busy life.

  1. Adding fruits and veggies to my diet, and cutting back on dairy, refined carbs, and eating at night. Listen, y'all. I'm not going to tell you I waved a magic wand and began eating some gloriously healthy diet. That's not even true. I still love me some pasta and always will. But part of practicing self-care is providing good nutrition for your body and if you're filling it with crap, guess what's going to happen? Yep, garbage in, garbage out.

    I think nearly every human can agree they need to eat more fruits and veggies. I explain how I make this easier in this post. That's just a start. Adding good stuff is important, but so is eliminating the bad. Ridding your body of the stuff that's hard for it to process helps you function more efficiently and affects your overall well-being. It takes a commitment and it takes pre-planning, but cleaning up your diet is an excellent start down the path of self-care.

    Recommended reading: The Kind Diet, by Alicia Silverstone. Yes, she adheres to a very strict vegan diet (not sure I could ever do that) but there are some incredible facts in there about how food affects the body, how we're brainwashed as consumers, and how terrible we're treating our bodies when we put into it some of the things we do. It's truly eye opening.
     
  2. Exercise. Biiiiiiig shocker here, right? This is one of those things that you Just. Gotta. Do. But the key is NOT going through the motions. The key is finding something you enjoy doing because then it's far less likely you'll skip out on it. Case in point? I am obsessed with yoga. I can't get enough. And yes, I like doing it at home, but I like it even more in a class setting. I try a little harder, push myself a bit. (I may or may not be slightly competitive.) And since my gym has a sauna, I like to hit that up right before yoga class since warm muscles are more pliable and I just plain love heat. And speaking of the sauna, I view it as a treat. Get my butt to the gym, indulge in 15 minutes of sizzle. Maybe you could find an incentive for yourself that you can tie into each visit to the gym, walk around the neighborhood, or at-home workout video?

    Whatever you do, MAKE THIS TIME for yourself. Yes, I had to juggle my schedule. Yes, it means I rush around a little bit in order to fit in a workout. Yes, it means that I go through part of my day as a sweaty mess. But avoiding diabetes and heart disease is pretty darn worth it, wouldn't you say? Added bonus: Working out will eventually help you manage stress and emotions, too. If you keep at it and it becomes part of your routine, you WILL reap rewards far beyond weight loss or muscle toning. Your brain and heart will be happy, too.
     
  3. Power of Positivity. Confession time: I can be a real Susie Sunshine at times. Like, to the point of annoyingness. But I can't help it. I think I'm part unicorn or something. Now, I know not everyone is like this, and I totes respect that. BUT, I think many of us could stand to shave a little negativity from our attitudes and daily lives, amiright? And yes, I'm including myself here because even I get a lil grumpy from time to time.

    So ... how to get happy? Spend some time around positivity. Really. It can be that simple. Positive people, nature, inspirational quotes or memes, feel-good books -- any of these things can be great for tuning into your inner rainbow.

    One of my favorite places to hang out is in a Facebook group called The Manifestation 100. You have to request to join (or give me a yell and I can add you to the group), but it's a closed group where people are undeniably focused on good things, happy thoughts, positive outcomes, and abundance. The group's administrator, Lori Hamann, is one of the purest souls I know. She really understands what it takes to live a life of abundance and she posts daily prompts and lessons (complete with short videos) to steer you in the right direction. Sometimes I pop in there to complete the daily lesson, other times I just go to see the gorgeous pictures and messages of hope that the other group members post. It's pretty much impossible to go in there with a bad mood and leave with the bad mood still in tact. Really. Check it out. I am positive you will get something good out of it.

  4. Focus on goals. Yes, you're busy. Yes, you have obligations. Yes, you are many things to many people. But remember, we're talking about self-care here. And that means we're talking about you. 

    In my opinion, a huge component of self-care is giving some (hopefully undivided) attention to your goals. Your dreams. Your Brick Wall Basher. The thing that makes your heart sing, your pulse speed up, your dreams come alive. Does it mean you may have to give up something else (ahem, I'm looking at YOU, The Walking Dead) to spend some time on your dreams? Yep. I haven't gotten hooked on a TV show in years. What I have done is given some of that time to more productive things in my life and lo and behold, some of my biggest dreams are starting to take shape. Yours can (and will), too!

    In order to live your highest self, you must spend time doing things that take you to the next level. Physically, mentally, spiritually. All of it. But you MUST admit that you need to dedicate the time. Just wanting to do it won't work. You must make that step. Realize your worth and put the gift of time behind it. Because yes, you may stave off future health problems, you may reach some of your wildest dreams, and you may realize abundance like you've never known. But above all that, you'll be that much closer to living life with inner peace. And that's the greatest self-care gift of all.

 

 

 

5 Things I Don't Mind Spending Money On

Ready for a truth bomb?

I'm cheap.

There, I said it.

I've always loved a good deal, but my need (okay, obsession) for getting things at a steal has grown progressively worse over the years. That's okay, though. At least I know financial ruin is not inevitable because of any rogue spending habits on my part.

There are a few things that definitely deserve my dollars, though, and they're things I buy even when they're (gasp!) not on sale. What are they, you say? Let's take a look.

Drinking Vessels

Peeps, I like to stay hydrated. And I'm pretty much drinking something at all points of my day. My two favorite beverages? Water and coffee. Ergo, having adequate (and super cute) vessels in which to hold my beloved liquids are well worth the spend.

S'well Water Bottle

One of my favorite authors (who is now a friend), Lauren Layne, turned me on to this swell bottle, aptly named ... the S'well bottle. They come in three different sizes and a whole bunch of super spectacular colors and patterns. That alone had me hooked. But then I heard how cold they keep their contents and I about lost my mind. Because let me tell you, I am alllll about super cold water. There's nothing more refreshing. Am I wrong? Anyway, I purchased on a recommendation and there's no going back. This thing is the real deal. As in, it sat in my hot car over the summer for several hours and when I came back to it, the water was just as cold as when I put it in there. Amazeville, I tell you! (And isn't it cute?)

Kate Spade New York Bella Bookshelf Thermal Mug

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that this adorable Kate Spade Bella Bookshelf mug keeps my coffee hot for ages (not that coffee lasts in my cup for ages, anyway), but I WILL tell you that this thing is a zillion times cuter in person than it is in this pic. It's bright and colorful and happy and just plain fun. And since I spend a lot of time with it, I definitely appreciate its vibe. What's more? I kinda got it for a steal. Only $18 on Amazon!

Tunes

Beats by Dr. Dre Headphones

I go through spurts with listening to music while writing (some scenes demand it, others shun it. Whatever. I'm a slave to these crazy demands, so I just go with it.). But when I do listen, I want it to be gooooood. So, I ponied up and got myself my first pair of Beats by Dr. Dre for Christmas and all I can say is Wowza! These are definitely worth the coin.

 

 

Music by Artists

Yes, I have no problem purchasing music from my favorite artists. I could listen for free on YouTube and iHeart Radio (and I sometimes do, honestly), but I know how hard these people work and how big they dream, and dammit, they deserve to get paid for their genius. Plus, by purchasing the full album, I may discover songs that I would never have otherwise. So it's a big win all around.

Pretty Things

Victoria's Secret Underwear

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It's not often I talk publicly about my underpinnings, but I'd be remiss if I did a blog post on some of my favorite things and then left out Victoria's Secret undies. Because they really are worth the money. (And they often are on sale.)

Your mama always told you to wear clean underwear in case you ever got in an accident, right? Well, what she really meant is to wear cute underwear. Because let's face it: if you're hurt and end up in the ER, there will be a lot of folks exposed to your skivvies. Make it worth their while. And plus, even when it's just a normal day and you're suiting up to tackle life like a boss, it's nice to know your butt cheeks are covered in style. Gives you that little extra boost of confidence, yanno?

Coco Mademoiselle

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Once upon a time, I flirted with fragrances. A lot. I dated some, had short exclusive relationships with others, and barely made it past the first date with the rest.

And then it happened. I fell in love with The One. And we're currently living out our Happily Ever After.

Sure, Coco Mademoiselle (by Chanel) is not cheap, but daaaaaang. When I wear this fragrance (which is Every. Single. Day) I feel on. It's not for everyone (it's not a "sweet" scent, and some people like to smell sweet), but when I do smell it on a stranger, it's instantly recognizable. And I love it just as much as when I'm wearing it myself.

So, there you have it. The things I'd spend money on, even if they weren't on sale. Some women love handbags and shoes and jewelry, and that's all good. I like these little things because they're stuff I use as part of my daily life and they make me happy whenever I see them.

So how about you? What are some things on YOUR full-price list?