I'm about to become a published author. Decades of dreaming are about to come true. Two years of passion, dedication, obsession, perseverance, sleep deprivation, and sacrifice have gone into this thing: ALL ACCESS, my debut novel. The book that real, live people can hold in their hot little hands, any old time they choose. Whoa.
So, what am I feeling, you might wonder? Well, lots of things. But, essentially, these "lots of things" can be broken down into two categories:
Category 1: God, I'm Nervous (Also called, "Holy sh*t, what am I signing myself up for?" and "I am truly f*cking crazy.")
Category 2: This is a Dream Come True (Also known as "Squeeeee!" and "Pop the goddamn champagne, already!")
Deep Thoughts, By Liberty Kontranowski
Because I am a writer and I process a lot of my mind-seizing thoughts by, well, writing, I'mma just elaborate a little here. A brain dump, if you will. Because this is kind of a big thing and if I don't get these thoughts out, the world might catch on fire or something. And I do not want to be held responsible for something horrible like that. So, here we go:
God, I'm Nervous
Well, yeah. Like I said, two years (plus about a year of "thinking about it") went into this novel. So I worked really hard on it, right? And now ... now I'm sending it out into the world. For people to judge.
Nothing scary about that at allllll. #sarcasm
I get that not all Creatives are shy about putting their stuff out there, but dang. You guys are going to get a peek into my mind. (Assuming you read it ... you are going to read it, right?) You're going to chew on my words and meet my characters and travel with them on their journeys. (That's the cool part.)
But you might also critique the hell out of my sentence structure. My word choice. My "voice." I am a very character-driven writer and in order to stay true to my vision for these guys, they ended up talking much like I do. (Well, like I do when the kids aren't around. Heh.) Some of you will love that, some of you will hate it.
You might be offended by my many swears. Think my characters are behaving in ways you don't want them to. You might think there are too many smexy times; you might think there aren't enough. You might expect this to be very prose-y and literary, when in fact it's breezy and fun. You might hate first person, present tense. You might think my dialogue is dumb. You might want my hero to have blonde hair, but he doesn't. His is brown.
You might love it and write glowing reviews on Amazon and Goodreads and you might tell all of your friends to buy a copy, too.
And you might not.
See? Scary, right?
It's tough putting yourself on the line like this. I know there will be "meh" or even "blech" reviews. That comes with the territory. Can't please everyone, after all. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier. It just gives me more things to obsess and worry over. ;-)
This is a Dream Come True
So, this. This is where it's at. A DREAM COME TRUE. Because, damn it, it IS a dream come true. This is huge. Huger than huge. I wanted to write this story and I wrote it. From Word 1 all the way through Word 82,000+. I told everyone who would listen that this - writing - is my thing. I told people I would get this published and I did. I had to go around a few obstacles to make it happen, but I did it. I wrote the thing, edited the hell out of it, found some people who loved it as much as I did, got a publishing contract, and BAM! It's happening.
I've had people leave me comments and send me messages, telling me that I've inspired them - inspired them to write a book of their own or to follow their dreams or to sell their artwork or start their own business or to build their own empire. Can you say "Verklempt"?! And the support you all have given me on my Facebook page? Unreal! It's seriously been amazing.
A motherfucking dream come true.
I'm humbled. I'm inspired (by you! Thank you!), and I am beyond grateful. My publisher is a dream to work with, the author community is super rad, and I just know this is the beginning of something so amazing I can hardly contain my excitement. I feel so blessed. That's the BEST part.
So, yeah. Feeling a little bipolar over here. Squeeing my face off one minute, sitting in a dark closet rocking back and forth the next. But that's what happens when you follow a dream. When you put yourself out there. When you punch fear in the face and go for it.
My goal? To take alllllll of these emotions and savor them. Every one of them. Because they are all hard-earned and they will all be a part of my life story. They're a gift. They'll shape me, form me, maybe even change me.
And that's more than I could ever ask for.